15 minutes in Heaven: Homestuck x Reader
by ludwigsgirl97
Summary: Basically you're at Dave's party and get shoved in with a host of different characters.
1. Kankri

Alright, gather round. It's time to have some actual fucking fun at this party." Dave said, considering it was his party after all, everyone did as instructed.  
"WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING THIS TIME FUCKASS? LAST YEAR I ENDED UP WEARING DONKEY EARS WHILE YOU GOT EVERYONE ELSE TO STAB ME IN THE ASS BLINDFOLDED!" Karkat yelled, angrier than usual.  
"We're going to play seven minutes in fucking heaven. Only I'm extending it to fifteen, because the last time I played, I caught with my pants down, if you know what I mean." Dave said, and everyone flinched, and groaned, not really needing that information. You have no idea why you were here. It wasn't as if you were in any of their sessions.  
"You're triggering people, Dave!" Kankri complained.  
"Shut up. You being a little trigger bitch makes me want to pull a fucking trigger on myself." Dave replied, not even looking at the guy. You sigh. Poor Kankri. He was the reason you had come to Dave's stupid party. Because the red-sweatered intellectual would also be in attendance.  
He pulled out a black fedora, with tiny slips of paper in it. Of course, Dave decides that you need to go first, and everyone giggles. You scowl, as is your normal response to their childishness, and draw the paper. Written in neat, looping scrawl, in the name Kankri Vantas. You announce it, turning pink, and trying to hide your excitement. You didn't think that things like this actually happened. You'd be in a closet alone with your crush for fifteen minutes, and the worst thing that could happen was he talked the entire time, which you were fine with considering you, loved the sound of his voice.  
"How did you get my name in there? In my handwriting?" Kankri was shocked, and Dave smirked.  
"I made you guys sign a ledger when you came in for a reason." He said, shoving the elder Vantas into the closet.  
"Come on Kankri, any red-blooded man would be happy to be in the closet with a girl like her!" John called, needing to get in one of his awful jokester puns. Dave hit him upside the head, and shoved you in the closet as well, shutting the door. You hear it lock, and notice that there isn't a latch on your side.  
"He knows the hemospectrum triggers me. He did that on purpose." Kankri concluded, and for a moment you doubt the intelligence that had drawn you to him. He dusts himself off, and you do the same, looking at him and biting your lip.  
"It's what John does. Just ignore him, okay?" You say, and he sighs.  
"I suppose. I think I may have landed on something sharp. Will you check my back for cuts?" He asked, and you nod. Your heart speeds up when he lifts that damnablely sexy sweater off of himself, and turns around. Not that the wool itself is sexy, simply the fact that it is on him. You see a small bump, but no cut. You run your hand over the bump, seeing if it will bruise.  
"S-stop!" Kankri jerks away from your touch, as well as making quite the ruckus. You hear giggling outside.  
"What? I just wanted to see how bad it was. Did it hurt that much? If so, we should likely get it checked out."  
"No. That wasn't it." He mumbled, yanking the sweater back on, and turning away from you.  
"Dammit, Kankri, look at me! If you weren't hurt, why would you jerk away like that? So you COULD get hurt?"  
"No!" He said, growing aggravated. You are shocked. Kankri was always calm, and somehow simply touching him had made him angry.  
"Then what? So help me I'll cut you if you don't tell me!"  
"You triggered me." He said softly.  
"Do you have personal space issues or something? I've hugged you before, and you never minded. How did that make you mad?"  
"N-not that kind of trigger." He looked at you, red in the face, and the fact that he managed to put so much emotion into smoky white eyes was astounding. Your face turned bright red as you realized what he meant.  
"Then a…sexual trigger?" You verify, and he nodded once, looking more embarrassed than you felt.  
"So…are you just really sensitive…or well, do you like me?" You asked, thinking that this may be the most awkward way you could have possibly worded that question.  
"Of course I like you! You're smart and funny, and beautiful, and everything else that I could ever ask for! But I'm a dead alien mutant who loves his own voice too much, and a girl like you would never like me, so there's no point." He said, red tears welling in his eyes.  
"And why not?" You say, moving closer to him, causing him to look up in shock.  
"What do you mean why not?"  
"Well, it's not as if you're a corpse, in fact you're quite warm, and whose to say that I'm not the alien. I don't give a flying fuck that your blood is red, because mine is too, and if I didn't love the sound of your voice even more than your did, would I hang around you this long?" You say, giving him a small tap to the back of the head.  
"Then… you do like me?" He asked, nearly begging.  
"Of course, you idiot." You answer, pressing your lips softly to his, surprised when his hands grab you by the waist and pull you closer. As you gasp, he shoves his tongue in your mouth, soft, but just forceful enough to get the job done.  
Your heart beats like a snare drum, and you entangle your hands in his soft hair, and he does the same to you.  
You loose track of time until the door opens. Everyone is staring at you, and Kankri calmly looks up, though you are ready to kill yourself.  
"I warn you all of the danger of triggering people." He said, and then lifted you up over his shoulder, carrying you to Dave's spare room.  
"WELL FUCK!" Karkat said, everyone looking confused.  
"Hey John. How does it feel to know Kankri touched a boob, and you haven't?" Dave said, and John just pouted and told him to shut up.


	2. Karkat

All right, gather round. It's time to have some actual fucking fun at this party." Dave said, considering it was his party after all, everyone did as instructed.  
"WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING THIS TIME FUCKASS? LAST YEAR I ENDED UP WEARING DONKEY EARS WHILE YOU GOT EVERYONE ELSE TO STAB ME IN THE ASS BLINDFOLDED!" Karkat yelled, angrier than usual.  
"We're going to play seven minutes in fucking heaven. Only I'm extending it to fifteen, because the last time I played, I caught with my pants down, if you know what I mean." Dave said, and everyone flinched, and groaned, not really needing that information. You have no idea why you were here. It wasn't as if you were in any of their sessions.  
"You're triggering people, Dave!" Kankri complained.  
"Shut up. You being a little trigger bitch makes me want to pull a fucking trigger on myself." Karkat replied, not even looking at the guy. You sigh. Poor Kankri. Then again he was the reason you had come to Dave's stupid party. Because you were hoping that you might be able to convinced the black sweatered tsundure shouting to your left to hang out with you. As if that were going to happen. He already had pretty much everyone hanging all over him, in spite of the barrage of "Fuck off"s and "Suck a dick"s that he berated them with.  
Dave pulled out a black felt fedora with little slips of folded paper in them. He had a small smirk on his stoic face, which pretty much equated to a rape face for him.  
"The girls will choose from this hat full of guys. Or other guys, if that's what your into. I'm not gonna judge. First up is the new girl." He pointed to you, and held the hat in your direction. You reluctantly drew, hoping to God you didn't get Eridan. That would have caused you to run screaming from the party, in spite of the fact that this was the land of heat and clockwork, and it would likely result in your immanent lava-based death.  
You drew a slip of paper, apparently torn from another with "Karkat-Dammit, you know my name, prick!" written on it. Your face turned pink at the thought of not only not choosing the undesirable sea-dweller, but at the odds of pulling the name, sort of, of your crush.  
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY HANDWRITING, STIOC PRICK?" Karkat shouted, snatching the paper and crumpling it in his hand as he blushed a little as well.  
"I made you sign a ledger to get in. Does it look like there are enough people that I would need a paper trail to keep track of you? It was so that I could make sure I had your name in here." Dave said, slightly raising an eyebrow.  
"In you go!" Feferi said, jumping up with her normal level of excitation, and shoved Karkat into the closet, where you walked in, not wanting the same rough treatment.  
"FUCKING BULGE-LICKING, NOOK-SNIFFING, HORN-HUMPING FISH! THAT HURT, DAMMIT!" Karkat yelled, having had landed on the end of a (thankfully sheathed) shitty sword. You had no idea what possessed Dave to bring all these things to his new house, but that was beside the point.  
"Are you okay, Karkat?" You asked, placing a hand on his shoulder, as he held his stomach with a small wince.  
"Yeah. Hit me right in the damn stab-scar, too. Hurts more than the rest of my skin." He said, putting his hand inside his shirt to hold the injury closer.  
"Here, let me see. I don't want you to actually be hurt." You suggested, mostly because you wanted to ensure his health, but also a little because you wanted to see him without that sweater.  
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT? I'M FINE, DAMN GIRL." He said, his cheeks flushing again as he returned to his normal shouting.  
"I just wanna make sure you're okay. Come on, please?" You gave him your best puppy eyes, hoping that this would be enough to break him. Luckily, it was, and he sighed as he removed the article of clothing. Underneath was a slim body, not rippling with muscle, but far from soft. You saw the stab scar, where the skin was reddened, and raised up from the rest of the light grey expanse.  
You placed a hand to it, and he jerked away. You jumped back, thinking that you had hurt him somehow.  
"I'm sorry. I was just-"  
"JUST FUCKING FEELING ME UP?" He asked, and while that had not been your actions, it sounded like a good idea, and you mourned the wasted opportunity.  
"No, asshole, I was seeing if you had a bruise. Now did you jerk away cause it hurt, or because you're so unused to someone else's touch that you didn't know what to do with yourself?" You snipped, becoming a little annoyed with his strangely flighty behavior.  
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU WEREN'T TRYING TO HURT ME SOME MORE?" he asked, showing a sliver of his usually well-hidden insecurities.  
"Because I would never want to hurt you!" You said, pouting your lips and raising your voice a bit. Seeing as how you were a fairly calm person, this seemed to send him the message that he had fucked up somewhere. "I like you, you idiot, but all you ever do is yell at me and I can't tell if you just do that to everyone or what." You said, your face turning bright crimson.  
"Like? Like…flushed, like?" He asked, his voice at the lowest decibel that you had ever heard it.  
"No, I mean I like you in one of the weird troll romances that I don't have. Of course I mean flushed!" Tears pricked your eyes. Now you would be treated like Eridan, the guy who just ran around begging for quadrants. He'd never talk to you again, not even to yell at you and- oh Jesus were those his lips?  
You were dragged kicking and screaming from your negative thoughts, only to have the screams turn into an angelic choir singing cheesy love songs when you realized that not only was Karkat not rejecting you, but he was also kissing you, his chapped, candy sweet lips feeling oddly good on yours even with the less-than-smooth texture. He placed a hand to the back of your neck, holding you in place while a tongue pressed at your mouth. It took you a moment to realize what he was trying for, but he seemed annoyed with even this small delay, and he grunted before worming the slick organ to dance with your own. Your breath shortened to small, hyperventilating gasps as you pressed yourself closer to him, entangling your dainty fingers in his silken, raven locks. You were panting when he pulled away, and so was he.  
"I feel flushed for you too." He mumbled, looking away. You giggled, deciding to tease him.  
"How flushed?" You asked, grabbing onto his arm.  
"More flushed that your face after my Godly kissing. That's how flushed." He said, even making smartass comments in his love confession. You smiled, placing another small kiss to his lips as the door was open, and you both walked out, hand in hand, smiling and blushing.  
"Wait, Karkat can smile? Dude, what did you guys do in there?" John said, cocking his head to the side.  
"My guess is that Vantas is a quick finisher. If you need a real man, girly, everything's bigger in Texas." Dave winked at you, in spite of the growls he got from the candy-blooded troll. Karkat grabbed your arm and walked away with you, and you were in too big a haze to even ask where you were going.


	3. Signless

Dave walked into his own party, fifteen minutes late in spite of the fact that it was being held not only on his own ridiculously dangerous planet, but also in his very own home. He was wearing a red felt suit, and had two fedoras in his hands, one black, and one red. You hoped that this had nothing to do with creepy troll romances. You did not wanna end up having to do random kinky blackrom shit with someone you didn't know. Or worse, Eridan.  
"We're gonna play fifteen minutes in heaven, bitches." The cool-kid said, a small, shit eating grin working it's way to his lips. You face-palmed, and hoped that this wasn't going to go down like you had the feeling it would. You'd end up in the closet with Karkat, and he'd yell at you the whole time, or Kankri while he lectured you, or Eridan while he groped at you and you banged on the door.  
You only hoped that the sort-of chaperone, the one who only went by the signless, would prevent such immature, and irresponsible shenanagins from occuring. He was an adult, and far more respected than any of the younger adult trolls, like Kankri and his babbling, or Mituna and his fits of crazy. He sat in the corner, one eyebrow raised, and his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall, covered by that dramatic cloak of his. He had a small bit of stubble, and a well-kept goatee, and he was the definition of sexy. Ever movement showed off his lean, but defined muscles, and he dripped an aura of authority and respect, without inducing the fear of many figures with a similar air about them.  
But seeing as how you were also there as a sort-of adult figure, mostly to make sure neither of the Amporas got up to any funny business, you wouldn't be in the hat for selection. Not that it mattered unless the Christ-figure was there with you. You had no desire to be locked in a closet for fifteen minutes with any of the others. You were pouting, and fantasizing at the same time when you heard your name called from the red hat, which apparently contained the females. Your (gemstone eye color) eyes flew open, shocked at the newest addition to your "WTF" resume.  
"And now, for the guy our lovely mistress gets to make out with in a closet…" Dave said, building suspense as he drew from the black hat of males. The paper was small, and so your were waiting for something like John, who wrote in nearly microscopic script. "Whatever dickwad decided to only draw the fucking sixty-nine crab." He held up the cancer symbol written in a bright red ink.  
"How did I know signing the ledger would come back to bite me?" He said, smiling a little and shrugging. "I think this is just an excuse to get the adults out of the room, and lock us away. What do you think?" He raised an eyebrow at you, and you flushed redder than his signature. He was letting you make the choice, and you had no idea what to do. Logic told you that you should stay here and watch the children, but your stupid, swooning heart told you to get alone with him in the closest thing to a romantic situation you were likely to get.  
"There old enough that I don't know why we're here to start with. Besides, if they do anything we'll hear one of your kids, either calling them curse words, or blowing his damn whistle." You answered, trying to be cool about it. Luckily, you had the aura of cool given off by the Strider as an example, and you seemed to pull it off.  
"Alright. Have fun, kids. But not too much." The signless said, smirking slightly wider, and showing his sharp canine tooth, by accident or intention you didn't know.  
He walked into the open closet, and you followed on his heels like a lost puppy, trailing a man who happened to have a raw steak in his hands. The door was closed behind you, and you sighed, wondering if the nervousness in your chest was more due to the possible activities occurring outside, or the man on the inside. You couldn't see a damn thing, and you started trying to feel your way around. Every time you felt the cloth of a coat, you wondered if it was the cotton of his cloak, and patted it to find it empty. There was only so much room in this itty-bitty closet, where the hell did he go!  
"There you are." He said, and you got your answer as he somehow ended up behind you, placing a hand on your shoulder.  
"How did you end up behind me?" You asked, turning around, as if you would be able to look him in the face. Due to his various levels of hunching, mostly standing straight when addressing people, and looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame half the rest of the time. The question was, where was his face now.  
"I simply felt around trying to find you, and somehow ended up at the door without hitting you." He explained, and you knew that he had that cute, apologetic smile of his on those full, red, soft looking lips.  
"But I can't even stretch out my arms…how…?" while you were busy figuring out the logistics of the enclosed space, he began chuckling.  
"This is Dave, we're talking about…Are we sure that you're confused?" He said, and you shrugged.  
"Probably a secret compartment or something else weird likes that." You decided, laughing along with him.  
"Well, this is a kissing game," he said, and you nearly had a stroke of joy. "Wanna follow the rules? I mean, what kind of chaperone doesn't follow the rules?"  
"Yeah. Defiantly. Just doin' our adult-like duties." You said, mentally cursing as your face returned to its strawberry-esk appearance. You could just feel his smirk as warm lips touched yours; only a whisper, until it became more of a shout, or at least his preacherly projection voice. In surprise, your body moved back, leaving you leaning on the far wall of the closet as he moved his hand to your face, caressing it softly before his tongue did the same to your waiting lips.  
Now you could feel his smirk, but you didn't care. Every touch had the perfect mix of care and dominance, the combination that only he could achieve. You worked your fingers into that soft, tousled silk that was his raven hair. He put a strong hand on your hip, as his tongue worked its magic on your mouth, making your vision blur and your knees go weak. Your bodies were pressed flush against each other when the door opened, and everyone looked in.  
"Oh God, even with the shades and the dark, I've still seen too much!" Dave said, making a disgusted face.  
"WHAT THE FUCK, DAD?" Karkat shouted, looking horrified.  
"And they were worried about what WE would do? Not to mention with that smile on your face, we can hardly call you the sufferer anymore." John said, simply having a pre-laugh face.  
"Yeah, yeah…" You rolled your eyes, and stuck your tongue out at them.  
"I don't want the old man's sloppy seconds." Dave said, walking out. "Worst birthday gift ever."


	4. Gamzee

Dave walked into his own party, fifteen minutes late in spite of the fact that it was being held not only on his own ridiculously dangerous planet, but also in his very own home. He was wearing a red felt suit, and had two fedoras in his hands, one black, and one red. You hoped that this had nothing to do with creepy troll romances. You did not wanna end up having to do random kinky blackrom shit with someone you didn't know. Or worse, Eridan.  
"We're gonna play fifteen minutes in heaven, bitches." The cool-kid said, a small, shit eating grin working it's way to his lips. You face-palmed, and hoped that this wasn't going to go down like you had the feeling it would. You'd end up in the closet with Karkat, and he'd yell at you the whole time, or Kankri while he lectured you, or Eridan while he groped at you and you banged on the door.  
He drew a piece of paper from the black hat, and announce Gamzee's name. Suddenly your heart sped up, and you went from praying not to be chosen, to begging any deity you could think of that your name would be in his hand next. Yes, the juggalo was a bit ditsy, and had a bad mouth, but he was also a nice guy who only cared about helping others, even if his methods were often sketchy. The red hat was reached into, and your name was announced next. You wanted to do an Irish fucking jig, and were barely able to control yourself. The two of you were led to the closet, and were both willing participants, so there was no force needed. As the door closed, you stared at the floor, not that you could see much, and tried to get your heart to calm its tits. Your face was bright red, and you knew it, even if it couldn't be seen.  
"Where'd you go, motherfucker?" Gamzee asked, and you squeaked as, in his exploratory groping, he placed a large, warm, grey hand on your left boob. You heard a questioning noise, and he squeezed, only to jerk back after realizing his violation. "I'm all up and thirteen kinds of sorry, bro! I didn't mean to touch you there." He said, and you could hear the guilt in his voice.  
"It's okay, Gamzee. I know." You said, placing a hand on what you hoped was his shoulder. The sloping was right, and it was covered by the same texture as a regular tee shirt like the one he wore.  
"Wait, sis, I know how to resolve this motherfuckin situation." You heard the telltale hiss of a soda being opened, and wondered what flavor of Faygo he had brought with him into the dark, cramped space. "Have some wicked elixir." He offered, and you were about to take it, before the thought hit you. Wasn't this what people called an "indirect kiss"? wouldn't that mean that you would, even if he had no idea, be, in a way, kissing the Capricorn you had come to love, even if he had not idea of this either.  
"Uhh…y-you know that some people consider that like a…um…Matesprit kind of thing, right?" you asked, pressing your pointer fingers together nervously as you blushed furiously. You heard his low, hearty chuckle, and even felt the reverberations in your chest cavity.  
"I don't wanna all up and be indirectly kissin' a sis." He said, and your heart dropped, like the messenger to Athens shouting "Nike!". You had won, on that you wouldn't have to deal with the heart attack of doing something questionably romantic with someone you loved, and was unaware, but it also killed you to think that he wouldn't want to. To think that he held the same emotion as you was iffy at best, but it was still a hope that had kept a smile on your face at the thought of it. Now it was well and truly dead, with no spec of light at the end of the tunnel.  
This is why you nearly died of a heart attack and a stroke at the same time when you felt a gentle hand wrap around your lower back, and pull you into a strong, comforting embrace, as your canvas pant-clad hips met with polka-dotted PJs. He smelled oddly woodsy for someone who was always covered in sweet smelling-sopor, and chugging Faygo as though it was the water of the fountain of youth.  
"I'd much rather be givin you a real kiss." He whispered in your ear, and you knew that you were hyperventilating all over the crook of his soft, musky-scented neck. Hearing no objections, he moved his upped half away from yours just enough to put one hand to your chin, softer than one would think in his character, and place his sweet-tasting lips to yours, as the soft, full flesh made your mind haze into a mix of unprecedented excitement, and the girly side which was loudly screaming "OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG HE'S FUCKING KISSING ME"  
He pulled away, and you like to imagine that he stared into the eyes that neither of you could see through the darkness of the closet. You smiled and placed your head on his warm chest, loving the safety you felt in them. You inhaled his smell for a minute, before moving your face up once more, this time it being yourself who initiated the kiss. This one was much more involved, as his strong tongue pressed at the seam of your slightly parted lips, and easily gaining access to the heated cavern of your mouth. You moved a hand up to play with that silky hair of his, staying away from the horns, at least for now. You only had about seven minutes left, after all. He lifted your legs onto his hips before clumsily sitting down with you on his lap. You said nothing when his hands, which were originally placed on your back, slowly traveled south to grip your ass firmly, making you gasp, but not protest. He was moving one of those big hands underneath the hem of your tee shirt when the door was thrown open, letting light in, and leaving you both blind.  
"HOT FUCKING DAMN, GAMZEE! CONTROL YOURSELF. FUCK!" Karkat shouted, shielding his eyes and pretending to gag.  
"Oh, come on, motherfucker. It's just some sloppy make-outs." Gamzee said, raising a black eyebrow as he stood, and took you with him. Your legs were no longer wrapped around his hips, but you never broke contact as you stood, and walked from the closet, up the stairs to one of the spare rooms.  
"How can someone still have the brain function to be so fucking smooth, after getting so fucking high?" Dave wondered aloud, the glass that he had used to spy on you still in his right hand.


End file.
